Is tomorrow really the day?
I cannot believe it is. I am just going to apologize before I say what I am about to say: I have always thought I was such a badass. Excuse my french, but there is no other way to put it. I have always been so confident in my capabilites and never once doubted myself. Fear was always an anxiously awaited challenge; never a reason to turn my back. I sit here in my kitchen tonight after having a great last homecooked meal of Spaqetti made by the infamous Coach Galen Droke...and I am consumed with fear. I do not know if I am confusing my fear with nerves or uneasiness about not knowing what I am getting myself into. I have never been on a plane before and I am going on a 22 hour plane ride clear across the world. My group is the "Adventure Week" group first. By this time next week, I will have already Cagedived with Great White sharks, gone on a safari to see the Big 5, and bungee jumped from the highest place in the world. Maybe that is why my body is shaking and I am having to keep moving my index finger to the "backspace" key because my fingers cannot control themselves. No matter how "badass" you are, anyone has an excuse to feel uneasy about what i just named.
This is what life is about though. It is about discovering your weaknesses and faults and deciphering ways to use those to improve. There is always room for improvement, no matter how perfect any one human being thinks they are. One of my favorite things about life are imperfections. Case in point:
I love when my little crafts break and I have to fix them. I love when i see children with chocolate on their faces and dirt on their clothes. I love bargain shopping and wearing things that most people would not be caught dead in. I love when my customers laugh after I spill a huge maragarita all over a new dress(...not like this has happened before...okay, well maybe it has :) ) I love seeing a wilted flower and wondering how beautiful it once was. I love old elderly couples that wear their pants up to their chests and hold hands...having shared a wonderful life together. i love loud, obnoxious laughs, even if they are annoying. it is what makes us unique. As much as I hate the injustices in the world, at the same time, it has created a fire inside of me that cannot be put out. I want to talk about this in a later blog but for right now I will just say this: God has created every single one of us for a purpose. He has assembled our backbag and put inside of it the materials we need to be successful. FIND them and USE them. By using them, we glorify his name. I am discovering the materials he has cleverly and individually placed inside my backpack. the imperfect thing about this situation is I do not know what all he has granted me just yet....the perfect thing is...this trip is only going to help me in discovering these things...
Don't Just Go...LEAD!
Joshua 1:9
